Tom Eydmann was asked to write a weekly 'unbiased' blog about soccer for a whole season. They instantly regretted it
Me and my friend are sitting in a quiet bar nursing our third beer of the evening with an uneasy silence. He breaks the deadlock first.
"Chelsea are going to win the league aren't they?"
I open my mouth to protest. To say how early in the season it is. How Diego Costa or Fabregas could easily get injured and scupper their title chances. How Arsenal and City still need to kick on and get their seasons properly into gear. How United can still turn on the show with their new signings and how maybe Swansea could do the unthinkable and make top 4. I open my mouth to say all these things but I feel deflated and just glumly nod.
Chelsea just look that fucking good.
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| At least Arsenal made sure he had a decent haircut |
And so the evil Gods of fantasy football waft the proverbial fart in my dream teams face again and I dropped 3 places in every league I was in this weekend. While all the people with Diego Costa as their captain soared to the top of their leagues, every single one of my players except Alexis Sanchez (who played a blinder for Arsenal on Saturday; just as well as Mesut Ozil seems to have taken a temporary leave of giving a shit) had weekends to forget. Out of my two Liverpool players one of them (Raheem Sterling) didn't even start and when he did his only shot on target was blocked by none other than Jordan Henderson (my other Liverpool player). Balotelli was largely anonymous but you have to give credit to Aston Villa who seem to be in something of resurgence. Gabby Agbonlahor gave them the lead in their first away win at Anfield in god knows how long (probably not that long but I try and do as little research as possible for this article). England new boy Fabian Delph and Arsenal reject Phillipe Senderos were both outstanding. Fuck even Tom Cleverly looked like a proper football player for the first time in his life. Liverpool on the other hand looked tired and lacklustre. Balotelli is still waiting to get on the score sheet and really needs to soon with Sturridge out for at least 2 more weeks and Champions league games coming up.
Someone who certainly isn't suffering from a goal drought is Diego Costa whose linkup play with Cesc 'we taught him everything he knows' Fabregas is looking to make him this seasons Louis Suarez. Despite the early promise for Swansea after John Terry got a hilarious own goal, the quality of the Chelsea squad shone through and with every game that passes they are looking more and more like champions. Not much to say on this game except that Swansea shouldn't be too worried; they put in a decent performance and these aren't the games that will define their season. And Gary Cahill is looking more nd more liekt hebest defender in the league.
The Arsenal vs City game was an absolute cracker with Jack Wilshire showing his critics (cough Redknapp) just why he is such a special player. His goal was a great one in a great game which either team could have won. Danny W (or 'Wele' as the Gooner faithful have started calling him) hit the post with a cheeky chip and Samir Nasri (or 'total twat' as he is otherwise know) had a goal disallowed right at the death resulting in thousands of red and whites making the wanker sign at him. Still both teams will look at this game as 2 points lost and whilst Arsenal are still unbeaten in the league this season one gets the sense that they haven't started playing as well as they should be. I wrote in this blog a couple of weeks ago that I was dismayed that Arsene Wenger didn't bring in any more defenders in the transfer window and whilst Mathieu Debuchys injury isn't as bad as first thought, we are still in the position of having to play our only back up centre back (the inexperienced Calum Chambers) at right back for at least the next few league games and Champions league games as well (not to mention the Capital One cup). It is an uneasy situation to be in and I sincerely hope that Arsene Wenger has been spending the last 2 years converting Abou Diaby into a talented defender or we may be bang in trouble.
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| Di Maria - the airs are aerodynamic |
And so to this week where we see the return of the Champions League group stages. Arsenal travel to Dortmund in a game I fully expect us to lose and gain 3 more injuries (which going by my predictions last week means we will probably win 7-0 and Diaby will become a super-human). Liverpool host Ludogrets whose name took me 4 attempts to spell right and who I know absolutely fuck all about. I suspect Liverpool will do well though and expect Mario to finally get a goal for his new club. Chelseas group of amateur Sunday league teams sees their toughest game on Wednesday night when they take on Shalke 04. I'm guessing they will wipe the floor with them although we might get to see Remy start his first game for the club which will be a talking point at least. The highlight of the week though has to be the Manchester City vs Bayern Munich game. Yaya Toure was rested on the weekend for this game so you can tell that Pellegrini is taking the trip to Germany very seriously indeed (or that he just thought Arsenal wouldn't provide much of a threat - prick). I'm still going for a win for Bayern though.
Just one or two other things to leave you with
- Sp*rs are up for sale. I've just traded in all my old DVDs for around £60 so I might be in with a shout at buying them just so I can sell both their good players to Woking and employ Adebayor as my personal ball scratcher. Spurs may also end up having to play a season in Milton Keynes, sharing with the MK Dons whilst their new stadium is being built. They also might have to play games in Wembley and the Olympic stadium. Rumours that they might play some games at the Emirates have been denied as Wenger said having to host them once a year was 'bad enough' for the local residents who have gotten used to a certain class of fan around the area.
- Woking Watch - A 1-0 win over old rival Aldershit and another 1-0 over Chester on Saturday have put the cards up to 2nd place in the league. It's an exciting time but we've got 2 hard games coming up so we'll see where we are in 2 weeks before getting a hard-on about it.
- Fantasy Football update. After bringing in Sterling this week he promptly went awol against Villa on Saturday giving me a glorious 1 point. So do I bite the bullet and sacrifice points in order to free up money and buy Costa or do I go for the safer, cheaper Lukaku? It's a tricky decision.
- QPR might be banned entry from the Championship if they are relegated this season (an increasingly likely prospect). They face a fine of 40mill for operating at such a high loss last term. Frankly they have no-one to blame but themselves for their ridiculous wage bill but the prospect of them ending up playing Woking in the conference is an enticing one
- Did anyone else notice how much Theo Walcott looks like Lewis Hamilton at the Arsenal game on Saturday? How have I never spotted this before? Andre Marriner was reported to say that Samuel L Jackson also looked a bit like the Arsenal forward as well
- Alan Pardew is the smart money for first manager to get the boot this season after being smashed by Southampton. Why I put Kruhl as my dream team keeper is fucking beyond me
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| 'THUG LIFE!' |
Till next time
Tommy T is a semi-fictional, semi-alter ego and a blogger, writer, comedian and icon. He doesn't have a website because he doesn't know how
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